tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1785248711810287089.comments2023-10-26T14:24:47.978+01:00(Old) Musings of a Quaker WitchMorganhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/05201286586062722169noreply@blogger.comBlogger514125tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1785248711810287089.post-45856526486063906152011-08-29T17:39:42.246+01:002011-08-29T17:39:42.246+01:00Clare, you asked, "Why was the request so har...Clare, you asked, <i>"Why was the request so hard to make?"</i><br /><br />Like I said in the blog post: <br /><br /><i>"I’d already had a bad asthma attack this trip because of totally unexpected mold exposure; both the asthma attack and the meds to treat it had left me feeling pretty vulnerable. The next day I’d had an ADA accessibility problem and a chemical exposure problem within the same ten-minute time frame, both of which also left me feeling tender and vulnerable. I’d been wrestling with these kinds of issues for a good chunk of my trip, with Friends who love and respect me, and even with that love and support it was hard – so let me tell you exactly how much Ms. Scruffy Itinerant Minister Bumped Up to First Class felt like telling a total stranger her hand lotion was a problem."</i><br /><br />More bluntly: 1) I'd just had bad experiences, among Friends and friends who "get" this kind of accessibility to varying degrees. 2) It's very often the case that other people take chemical sensitivity accessibility issues as personal attacks on <i>them</i>. 3) I was exhausted and already feeling plenty vulnerable, both from everything that had already happened, from feeling ill, and from the experience of being at Annual Sessions. So, 4), now I was going to ask a total stranger, much better-dressed than I was, <i>in the first class cabin</i>, to wash her hands b/c her personal choice of lotion was making me sick. (Did I mention 5) Class issues?) <br /><br />The combination of past experience and already being vulnerable is a lot of why it was so hard to make that request. <br /><br />Ah, but I <i>did</i> have something to lose by making it -- quite a few things. The goodwill of my seatmate for a long flight. Being able to sit next to someone without them making catty comments much of the time, or giving me unsolicited advice, or actually being nasty to me. Not being harassed by anyone else nearby who'd overheard the exchange. And so forth. <br /><br />In the end, all was well, and there was grace, and I was grateful.Morganhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/05201286586062722169noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1785248711810287089.post-36250999302847202122011-08-29T15:44:43.210+01:002011-08-29T15:44:43.210+01:00Why was the request so hard to make? Just because ...Why was the request so hard to make? Just because it was so important? But granting it was so easy, refusing it so mean-spirited, I think most people would grant it. And if it were refused, you have lost nothing by asking. And yet, yes, I know, it is hard to make such a request.Clare Flourishhttp://clareflourish.wordpress.comnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1785248711810287089.post-77295802623658561272011-08-25T15:49:08.667+01:002011-08-25T15:49:08.667+01:00Aw. :) Thank you. You've just made me even h...Aw. :) Thank you. You've just made me even happier.Morganhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/05201286586062722169noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1785248711810287089.post-71855477153547848732011-08-24T16:47:10.973+01:002011-08-24T16:47:10.973+01:00Stasa, I hope you realize that you are made of Aw...Stasa, I hope you realize that you are made of Awesome. :)Courtneyhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/15795700218572760964noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1785248711810287089.post-1158541092245889692011-08-12T14:39:54.462+01:002011-08-12T14:39:54.462+01:00Oh, my! Yes. That's great!
As far as I know...Oh, my! Yes. That's great!<br /><br />As far as I know, nobody got married in Iowa who went there for FGC Gathering this summer, although there was lots of joking around about that last summer. <br /><br />Poly-monogamy... *snerk*.<br /><br />I have a follow-up post I should write once we settle in (we just moved)...Morganhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/05201286586062722169noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1785248711810287089.post-50123022692283185742011-08-10T15:36:55.725+01:002011-08-10T15:36:55.725+01:00A Friend at the NPYM Queer Quakers gathering this ...A Friend at the NPYM Queer Quakers gathering this year joked about a conversation something like this:<br /><br />"HOney, where should we go on vacation this year?"<br /><br />"I dunno. Where can we get married that we haven't been to before?"<br /><br />Then there would also be the hip trendy term poly-monogamy for all the same gender couples obliged to get married over and over to each other.RantWomanhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/17611656459134372290noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1785248711810287089.post-47941071708042503772011-08-08T22:11:33.294+01:002011-08-08T22:11:33.294+01:00Yes!!Yes!!Morganhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/05201286586062722169noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1785248711810287089.post-10733509316247409302011-08-08T21:03:03.168+01:002011-08-08T21:03:03.168+01:00Isn't it a blessing when someone is able so ea...Isn't it a blessing when someone is able so easily to respond to a request like this?RantWomanhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/17611656459134372290noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1785248711810287089.post-78375298012000500072011-06-23T18:13:10.036+01:002011-06-23T18:13:10.036+01:00Thank you so much for posting thing. I found it lo...Thank you so much for posting thing. I found it looking for something else but it helps so much to remember that other people have struggles at least somewhat similar to mine.RantWomanhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/17611656459134372290noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1785248711810287089.post-38106515176940070362011-06-13T21:17:17.854+01:002011-06-13T21:17:17.854+01:00I'm pretty sure I almost never represent Pagan...I'm pretty sure I almost never represent Pagan Friends very well although I am called to do so often enough. It reminds me of being asked to represent women, mothers, college teachers, or Star Trek fans. This also happens often enough, and also without much chance that my experiences will resonate broadly with others in my category. Personal authenticity strikes me as the only choice we have.Hysteryhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/02044678910937934731noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1785248711810287089.post-73516756410706504642011-06-08T22:39:53.438+01:002011-06-08T22:39:53.438+01:00Hmmm. Well, Stasa, we have a Quaker and we have a ...Hmmm. Well, Stasa, we have a Quaker and we have a Pagan as citizens of our little city, but so far no Quaker Pagans. Would you grace us by being the first? Perhaps this would be a way of launching some Pagan values blogging there and here simultaneously.<br /><br />We'd like to invite you to become one of our Authors in <a href="http://aleksandreia.wordpress.com" rel="nofollow"><b>Alexandria</b></a>. Invitations have been extended to you by email as well.<br /><br />You may mirror your existing posts from here or elsewhere or produce original posts there, on anything you wish, as you desire. For your contributions and participation we will blogroll you with no reciprocation required. See our <a href="http://aleksandreia.wordpress.com/about/guidelines-for-authors/" rel="nofollow"><b>Guidelines for Authors</b></a> for full details.<br /><br />Come contribute your perspectives and opinions to the ongoing conversations there or, even better, start some new - and different - ones of your own. Contact us through the site or directly by return email for full invitations and instructions.HMShttp://aleksandreia.wordpress.comnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1785248711810287089.post-88968412488349733832011-06-01T08:42:59.290+01:002011-06-01T08:42:59.290+01:00A lot of people I've been talking to lately ha...<i>A lot of people I've been talking to lately have been truly shocked to hear this. <br /><br />And that has surprised me.</i><br /><br />I agree that it's sad how many people don't realize what's at stake, and that raising awareness is essential. I think I appreciate how draining it can be to face and overcome that sense of shocked disbelief every time you need to explain your situation. However, I also think that your experience — that most people to whom you tell this story are shocked by it — should be taken as encouraging.<br /><br />If most people are shocked by the current state of marriage inequality, cannot conceive of its full extent, and are uncomfortable thinking about it, it is because they find marriage inequality to be shocking, inconceivable, and unthinkable. That's <i>good</i>, ultimately. The fact that thinking about the current state of marriage inequality makes most people uncomfortable means most people are open to seeing it change.<br /><br />What you really don't want to hear in response to this story is "Well, of course, what did you expect?"Anonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1785248711810287089.post-27129996371068430652011-06-01T03:54:01.368+01:002011-06-01T03:54:01.368+01:00I came here via BADD (I am way behind with it, but...I came here via BADD (I am way behind with it, but each year I do still make a point of reading through all of them).<br /><br />One blogger who I read sometimes (http://abnormaldiversity.blogspot.com) likes to argue that people with disabilities can sometimes end up serving the social function of a canary in the mine: Meaning, things that may be an absolute barrier to some people with certain disabilities (such as, fragrances for people with MCS, or a noisy chaotic environment for a person who is autistic, or a long flight of stairs for a wheelchair rider) may ALSO happen to be difficult to deal with for many other people. So learning how to accommodate people who are absolutely excluded by certain things (be it steps or fragrances or whatever) can end up helping a much wider continuum of people who maybe were upset all along but didn't raise as much complaint because they *could* just barely get by without the accommodation. <br /><br />For example, fragrances are not an absolute barrier for me, I can still share space with, say, one of those plug in fragrance thingys if I absolutely had to. But it would still trigger my allergies giving me really bad nasal congestion, which in its furthest extremes can interfere with my ability to really accomplish much (if you have to stop what you're doing literally every minute or two to blow your nose yet again ... and again ... and again, it's hard to do anything else that requires the use of your hands or sustained concentration ... during one really awful allergy attack, I was supposed to carry clothes from a closet to the nearby bed, which should have taken maybe five minutes at most but 20 minutes later, once she realized I was having so much trouble, my Mom kicked me out of the house to protect my health because I was so occupied with blowing my nose continuously that I simply couldn't do the task) or breathe in a comfortable way (having had nasal congestion all my life from various allergies, I'm used to alternating between nasal breathing and mouth breathing when I have to, but if I cannot breathe through my nose *at all, whatsoever* for a prolonged period of time, it gets old quick)<br /><br />The point being ... accommodations set up for people with more severe MCS reactions can also make the environment more friendly and comfortable for people like me whose reactions are considerably more mild than yours by comparison, but who still aren't that thrilled to be around excessive amounts of certain types of fragrance either.<br /><br />For whatever it's worth, I did read somewhere that SOME people with MCS do seem to be able to handle oil-based fragrances much more easily than alcohol based fragrances. But it is still good for me to be aware that for SOME people, oil-based is still just as bad.<br /><br />One issue that can complicate things is that SOME people NEED certain fragrances as an accessibility issue: for example, some people with migraines apparently find it helps to use a bit of lavendar or peppermint scent to prevent or alleviate migraines. If they can't use those scents, then that becomes an accessibility issue for them as well. I read somewhere (dang, I can't remember where now) where one conference space dealt with this by having certain rooms or something where scents used to control conditions such as migraine were allowed and other spaces where they weren't, so people who needed to wear scents for medical reasons had a place they could go without causing as much of a problem for people who needed to avoid them.<br /><br />Sorry to ramble and use so many parenthetical comments along the way (apparently it's typical to do this when you have attention deficit disorder, or at least it is if you have ADD and also have strong verbal/writing skills ... finally, one of my quirks explained!) Hope this still made some sense!Lynnnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1785248711810287089.post-27652648642313564452011-05-31T21:15:34.760+01:002011-05-31T21:15:34.760+01:00Hystery, thank you. I feel like I walk a fine lin...Hystery, thank you. I feel like I walk a fine line sometimes between writing in a way that helps people hear; writing my outrage in a clear way; and sputtering in incoherence. <br /><br />Thanks for your support, for being clued in, and for listening.Morganhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/05201286586062722169noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1785248711810287089.post-71981677245475511962011-05-31T21:13:21.873+01:002011-05-31T21:13:21.873+01:00Hi, Stan! Thanks for your comment.
You raise g...Hi, Stan! Thanks for your comment. <br /><br />You raise good points! <br /><br />Yes, vacations in other states present all sorts of uncertainties and problems. And what about what might happen en route, in yet another state? <br /><br />Plus, some states, such as VA, refuse to recognize not only domestic partnerships, civil unions, and marriages from other states, but also adoptions and even health care powers of attorney. In VA, that's the law; in others, it's not always clear how much is law and how much is convention. <br /><br />There was a horrible case in FL a few years ago. Janice Langbehn and Lisa Pond were vacationing with their children when Pond collapsed. Langbehn and the children were kept away from Pond while she was dying, and were prevented from obtaining necessary legal information after her death as well. <br /><br />Langbehn, who now keeps a blog about the kids, describes herself as "an accidental activist." <br /><br />You can do a google search on either of their names (or both) to get details of their situation. <br /><br />But yes, many of us restrict where we'll travel, make sure we travel with copies of our documents, and all sorts of things that, when you think about it, are crazy. <br /><br />Some companies have given me and Beloved Wife the rental car discount, some not. I've never heard of after-the-fact changing, since it's usually fairly well-documented who's okay to drive on the car in all the write-up; and most of the time, not only do my wife and I double-check instead of assume, we also get the name of the person we spoke with. In states with a state-wide DP or CU law, they won't have a leg to stand on if they bait and switch, and will usually grant the discount; those are the only states where I've had the discount, so I honestly don't know how it would work, for example, where there's only a local DP law... <br /><br />No, it's sad but true, there are worms everywhere. And not always the happy kind who make compost.Morganhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/05201286586062722169noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1785248711810287089.post-16972319277662000262011-05-27T00:18:26.812+01:002011-05-27T00:18:26.812+01:00Sadly, as bizarre as all of this is, this informat...Sadly, as bizarre as all of this is, this information doesn't surprise me. I've learned to expect aburdity in the laws related to the civil rights (or lack thereof)of LGBTQ couples and individuals. I'm glad you're writing about this. It is important that we refrain from getting too comfortable with injustice. I'm glad you are willing to sensitize people who might prefer that you just keep quiet.Hysteryhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/02044678910937934731noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1785248711810287089.post-56835671541549390582011-05-26T07:16:25.076+01:002011-05-26T07:16:25.076+01:00thanks for your post, and your earlier one on this...thanks for your post, and your earlier one on this topic, as it presents a concrete picture of what the issues are.<br /><br />and a question: do vacations in a different state also create a number of uncertainties and potential problems?<br /><br />eg, you take a vacation in another state, and have need of emergency medical care during the trip. will your visitation rights to your partner still be preserved, since your union is from another state? does it go by residence of the patient, or by where the hospital itself is?<br /><br />what about other inconveniences, such as rental car companies perhaps charging extra fees if "non family members" also drive the rental car? and if there were an accident, would they claim after the fact that you didn't pay the fee and hence weren't covered, despite what they may have told you previously when trying to get your business?<br /><br />not that the first can of worms wasn't complex enough, but it just seemed there might be even more worms hiding somewhere.<br /><br />--stanAnonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1785248711810287089.post-8682558479139616912011-05-17T07:47:49.473+01:002011-05-17T07:47:49.473+01:00I like to talk about hierarchy, dominance of the m...I like to talk about hierarchy, dominance of the many by the few and unearned authority conveyed to some at the expense of those who must obey them. In simpler language it's worked for my nine year old. I don't often get the chance to speak the political to the unconverted. So I can't be sure. Good luck, though.Dark Daughtahttps://www.blogger.com/profile/07461439416312772862noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1785248711810287089.post-918437699337314902011-05-16T15:34:17.875+01:002011-05-16T15:34:17.875+01:00That's a fascinating and thorny question — I&#...That's a fascinating and thorny question — I've seen attempts to quickly introduce someone to feminist (<i>et al.</i>) theory go awry many times. The right approach probably depends on the goal and on how well the person doing the introducing and the person getting introduced know each other.<br /><br />I'd suggest pointing out concrete examples of situations where a power dynamic is clearly in play, ideally situations which will be familiar to the audience at least by reputation, and where the identification of the power dynamic isn't (or shouldn't be) controversial. When they go "Oh, I get it!", count that as victory for that round, and don't press them further (at that time) to examine their own privilege or rearrange their worldview or anything like that, because they probably aren't ready and in any event that kind of transformation isn't "quick".<br /><br />I also think a successful quick introduction needs to avoid jargon and especially to avoid friction around words which mean different things in the vernacular and in the feminist/anti-racist/etc. discourse (like "racism"). If you're trying to be quick and non-confrontational, getting into an argument about who gets to define the meaning of a word means you've already lost. Far better to find a way to say exactly what you mean in the vernacular.bnewmanhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/08855557910096337885noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1785248711810287089.post-75868900211102254852011-05-11T22:25:45.236+01:002011-05-11T22:25:45.236+01:00My really fast intro thought for today.
--Just be...My really fast intro thought for today.<br /><br />--Just because someone's wife is used to.... does not mean it works for others<br /><br />--Never mind about the "Real Men Listen" T-shirt. Would you please actually Listen?RantWomanhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/17611656459134372290noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1785248711810287089.post-61251030385460244272011-05-11T00:20:33.401+01:002011-05-11T00:20:33.401+01:00Thanks for commenting!
I'm pretty sure we&#...Thanks for commenting! <br /><br />I'm pretty sure we're friends on Athena's Web, and I've sent you an email that way. :) And yes, if you're whom I think you are, we have definitely met in real life (and danced together, too!). <br /><br />Thanks for your article. It's very helpful for me.Morganhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/05201286586062722169noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1785248711810287089.post-75644594207409474102011-05-09T01:16:27.664+01:002011-05-09T01:16:27.664+01:00This is powerful, thought provoking stuff. I got ...This is powerful, thought provoking stuff. I got here by a link on the BADD page and discovered - I think I know you! - through BMC folks(I'm '98) and Del Val SCD, although it's been a few years. I keep moving.<br /><br />My BADD post is <a href="http://nightengalesknd.livejournal.com/79346.html" rel="nofollow">here </a> if you'd like to stop by. Nightengale of Samarkand was also my backsmoker handle.Anonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1785248711810287089.post-59177867637617271762011-05-08T07:28:20.241+01:002011-05-08T07:28:20.241+01:00I just started a class on Multicultural Education ...I just started a class on Multicultural Education class that has the issues of class, race and gender power/oppression, institutional racism and ethnocentrism and devaluing of minority culture (and how to work through them in the classroom) as its foundations and I wonder exactly the same thing. How can we get people to see institutional power issues without months or years of intense study and self reflection? I think we can't get to the same place without those experiences as we can with them, but it would be nice to know some initial stepping stones. A really good text we're reading is Affirming Diversity by Sonia Nieto.Alysshttps://www.blogger.com/profile/04820396354932192545noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1785248711810287089.post-27780952077550779972011-05-07T20:31:24.848+01:002011-05-07T20:31:24.848+01:00I completely agree with you that people who use wh...I completely agree with you that people who use wheelchairs or who have severe food allergies are <i>not</i> always accommodated -- in fact, folks with such disabilities aren't even <i>often</i> accommodated, in my experience. However, in many of the circles I travel in, those disabilities are taken more seriously -- even if we then fall down on implementation. Feh. <br /><br />So, yes -- again, I agree with you: it's about a broader problem of ableism. Well-said. <br /><br />Thanks for your comment, Sparkly!Morganhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/05201286586062722169noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1785248711810287089.post-9038353040534152582011-05-07T18:09:33.323+01:002011-05-07T18:09:33.323+01:00I really, really like this piece. However, I take ...I really, really like this piece. However, I take issue with the assumption that wheelchair users and people with life-threatening food allergies are always accommodated; wheelchair-accessible venues are limited, and sometimes, people don't even try. I've also seen people bring common, severe food allergens into spaces unchallenged. So I'd say it's a broader problem of ableism, not necessarily just with chemical sensitivities - although people are definitely ignorant about chemical sensitivities which makes things worse.Sparklynoreply@blogger.com